Bills Reflections

HELP! I Can’t Focus

i can't focus

I Can’t Focus

Extraordinary Grief Experiences

One of the most extraordinary grief experiences is the inability to focus. There were times that I so desperately wanted to be doing something, but nothing seemed right! My attention span was 0.0, and I didn’t care about anything. There was nothing that motivated me from within. Outside influences worked, but if there were none, then I was happy to do nothing.

For me, it is essential to have someone that gives me the reason to keep going. Grief is not something that I can deal with alone. It’s worth mentioning again that grief is different for everyone. Some people prefer to heal on their own, and they don’t want someone else to interfere. And that’s OK because we are all different, and we have other protective mechanisms.

More than once, I stayed in bed until late afternoon. I slept off and on, but I didn’t remain there because I was tired. I stayed in bed because I didn’t feel like there was a reason to get up. I was lonely, and wrapping up in the covers was a way to escape that loneliness. There was no motivation because the person who shared my daily life was no longer there. I can’t focus kept swirling around in my head. So why get up?

Don’t Ignore Your Grief

The mind is what stunts progress. I have often said that “I don’t have sad thoughts. I have thoughts that make me sad”. I hope that I’ll grow out of that stigma and eventually be able to be happy when I think of my wife. A friend sent me a book entitled Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha W. Hickman.

There was a sentence in her book that brought all of this together for me: “I look forward to the day when images of my loved one’s life are no longer associated with the event of my loved one’s death.” When I read that it was like the proverbial light going off in my head. My thoughts about my wife were constantly going back to her suffering and her strength, courage, and faith to get through it. I can’t say that views of her have entirely changed, but they have improved. There are still times when I can’t focus.

Fortunately for me, my family has been supportive and actively involved in my recovery. We are all making an effort to help and support each other. We get together quite often, and that’s a huge help.

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